Emotional Incest: The Narcissistic Mother’s Hidden Obsession with Her Son

Next, the narcissistic mother will use the hidden rage buried beneath her son’s submission. What often goes unspoken in these relationships is the deep suppressed rage that festers beneath the surface. Though this son may appear compliant, loving, or devoted, there’s often a hidden well of anger—rage at being used, at not being allowed to say no, at having his life hijacked by a mother who calls it love. This rage, when unacknowledged, can erupt in self-destructive behavior, passive aggression, or explosive reactions in romantic relationships. It’s the unspoken fury of a child who was never allowed to be a child. Unfortunately, when this adult son enters a romantic relationship, that person often becomes the dumping ground and scapegoat for all this suppressed rage. This son was never given permission to feel this rage against his mother, who truly earned his contempt and hatred. But the rage is still there, festering beneath the surface, and many times it will be directed at the romantic partner he has as an adult. Usually, trying to get him to see this is an exercise in futility. He has been so severely manipulated from such an early age that getting him to exit the delusion is nearly impossible.

If you are the romantic partner of this type of son, my best advice to you is to cut your losses and save yourself. The role this son has been given is usually a lifelong sentence.

In closing, breaking free from emotional incest requires more than distance; it demands a total rescue of the self. Sons who are emotionally enmeshed must grieve the childhood they lost, name the manipulation they endured, and learn to draw boundaries that usually feel terrifying at first. True healing means recognizing that what felt like love was a form of control, that devotion was demanded, not freely given, and that real intimacy doesn’t require the sacrifice of the self but rather the presence of the self. While in some cases healing may be possible if all the stars align and he truly wants his freedom, the majority of these cases indicate that the loyalty he feels for his mother will never be conquered.

If you are in a relationship with this mother’s son, it’s important to understand when your efforts are in vain and when it’s time to throw in the towel. You can waste years of your life trying to wake your partner to reality when they simply are never going to change.

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