Engaging in a conversation with a narcissist feels like being trapped in an everlasting storm—deadly, dangerous, and utterly draining. It’s akin to banging your head against a wall—there’s no purpose, no goal to achieve. Narcissists keep rambling and ranting, beating around the bush while attacking you in visible and invisible ways. They don’t care what you think or how they should cooperate. No, their aim is to extract sadistic supply by torturing you. They love to lecture and talk at you, which is why you must arm yourself with some instant narcissistic conversation stoppers to free yourself if they try to trap you.
1. Play the Confusion Card
Don’t defend, don’t justify—act like you don’t understand why they’re behaving the way they are. For example, if the narcissist is yelling, cursing, or playing the victim, your natural instinct may be to defend yourself. But that’s exactly what they want. Instead, disarm them with disorienting questions. Ask, “Are you okay? Do you need help?”
Such questions will disrupt their behavior by making them realize they’re acting irrationally or exposing their instability. Maintain calm, curious body language when asking these questions. Avoid anger or sarcasm, as they’ll sense insincerity. If they continue provoking you, you can feign confusion with absurd responses. For example, if they ask, “Why didn’t you answer my call?” you might respond, “Oh, I was busy wondering what the square root of 144 is!” This tactic wastes their time and frustrates them, leading them to disengage.
2. Turn Their Questions Back on Them
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Narcissists often use counter-questioning to derail conversations and avoid accountability. Use this strategy against them to subtly expose their flaws. If they ask, “Why are you so emotional?” respond with, “What makes you think that’s a bad thing?” If they ask, “Why can’t you act normal?” respond with, “What does normal mean to you?”
By redirecting the focus back to them, you force them to confront their own inconsistencies. Keep asking open-ended questions until they get tired and leave the conversation.
3. Affirm What They Don’t Expect
When narcissists insult you, they expect you to feel ashamed or defensive. Instead, agree with them in a way that reclaims your power. For instance:
- If they say, “You’re so selfish,” reply, “Absolutely, I’ve been prioritizing myself for once.”
- If they mock you with, “You think you’re so smart,” agree: “Yes, I value my intelligence.”
This approach leaves them speechless because they can’t use your response as fuel for further attacks. You’re agreeing, but you’re reframing their insult as a strength.
4. Redirect the Conversation
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
If nothing else works, steer the conversation toward a neutral topic. For instance, if a narcissist says, “Why didn’t you visit me on Christmas?” avoid justifying yourself. Instead, reply with something like, “Oh, have you seen my charger?” or “Did you hear about that new movie?” Shift the focus away from yourself and onto something trivial or unrelated to defuse their aggression.
You could even make the subject about something they dislike or gossip about—this gives them something else to fixate on.
5. Respond with Humor or Absurdity
Humor is one of the best tools to disarm a narcissist. If they say, “You’re a failure,” respond with, “At least I’m consistent!” If they claim, “You’re nothing without me,” laugh it off and say, “You’re absolutely right—especially when you argued over the Wi-Fi password!”
By responding playfully, you show them they can’t affect you, which suffocates their need for control. They’ll eventually walk away or give up trying to provoke you.
By using these five techniques, you can protect your mental health and maintain control in conversations with narcissists.
Sharing is caring!