Covert vulnerable narcissists—those who are wolves in sheep’s clothing—are the most dangerous types to deal with. They stab you with invisible knives; you see the blood oozing from your body, but you do not know what caused it. You wonder why it is happening; you only feel the pain. These types of narcissists are extremely difficult to handle, especially when they create chaos or arguments, and they almost always win. I know this because I have experienced this kind of abuse firsthand with my covert vulnerable narcissistic mother. That is why today’s episode will be different.
number one: Playing the Victim & Becoming a Martyr.
I’m not talking about just any victimhood; all narcissists like to be victims of their circumstances. But when we talk about a covert vulnerable narcissist—also known as a secondary psychopath—we refer to an extreme victim mentality. These individuals can create drama among many people, embarrassing you, bringing you shame, or pushing you to the point of wanting to not exist anymore.
For example, if you try to hold a covert vulnerable narcissist accountable for their actions, they won’t respond like a typical narcissist would. Instead of manipulation and gaslighting, they may start crying, sometimes even physically harming themselves, to deflect responsibility. They will revise history and distort facts, exaggerating their experiences with you. They will create a narrative that they are victims of your actions and of the entire world. They portray themselves as martyrs who do good for others, claiming that all they receive in return is blame for things they insist they haven’t done.
As the recipient of this treatment, you may feel extremely bad about yourself, believing you are the nasty one, the crazy one, the manipulator. This poor soul, who appears innocent and has always done good for others, makes you question your own reality. In moments of confusion, you lose that awareness and are overtaken by guilt.
I share my past with you to illustrate this. My covert vulnerable narcissistic mother never took responsibility for anything. It was always a cycle of crying and denying her actions. This behavior made me extremely fearful of conflict, a fear I still carry. This is how they psychologically beat you.
Habit Number Two: Pathological Lying
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