Friends, if you’re dealing with a destructive narcissist and they’re having a negative impact on you and your life, it’s time to stop being nice and instead get in touch with your inner strength, courage, self-respect, and dignity. In short, it’s time to reclaim your power once and for all.
So, let’s dive into why it would benefit you to stop being nice to the narcissist and what you should be doing instead. In case you haven’t noticed, being nice doesn’t work—especially when you’re dealing with someone who falls on the spectrum of destructive narcissism. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not suggesting you be unnecessarily rude or hostile. That’s not where I’m going with this. But being nice isn’t actually going to get you what you want or need.
When you’re dealing with a true, dyed-in-the-wool destructive narcissist—someone who is fundamentally malevolent—you have to know upfront that it is not, nor will it ever be, a level playing field. You and the narcissist aren’t motivated by the same things. While your intention is to have an open, honest, kind, decent, respectful, mutually beneficial, and perhaps even loving relationship, whatever the nature of that relationship, the narcissist’s motivation is entirely different. Although they may talk a good game, the truth is their intentions are not aligned with yours.
If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice that their words and their behavior rarely, if ever, match. Sure, they’ll act as if they want the same things you do, but once you get beyond the initial idealization phase—the love-bombing phase—this is true even in friendships and professional relationships. Once you get past this initial phase and the narcissist thinks they have you where they want you, their true intentions will become obvious, and they will have zero to do with healthy, happy, peaceful, kind, decent, or respectful relating.
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