Today’s chat, I want to talk about the dilemma of not recognizing narcissistic abuse. I strongly believe that the possibility of ending up in a narcissistic relationship after growing up with a narcissistic parent is very high, and I have always wondered why that is the case.
What he basically said—though I may be paraphrasing here—is that people tend to marry their unresolved issues. He was counseling a woman who grew up in a troubled household and went on to marry a man who was just as problematic. What I took away from that is how applicable it is to growing up with a narcissist and then marrying or being with a narcissistic partner. It can also happen that you just keep jumping from one narcissist to another. This often occurs because, in many cases, you never stop to evaluate those past relationships. You never take note of the red flags, the emotional abuse, or even realize that the original narcissist in your life was a narcissist or that something like narcissistic abuse existed. As a result, you end up leaving one narcissistic relationship and running straight into the arms of another.
That is why, whenever a relationship does not work out, or someone makes you feel bad or less than in any way, it is helpful to assess that relationship. You can do it on your own or with a counselor or therapist, especially if it was a narcissistic parent. For romantic relationships, it would help to think back to what drew you to that person, when the relationship changed, when they started mistreating you, and how they went about doing it. Also, take note of any red flags you missed.
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