Sometimes, you need to go back to that narcissist until there is nothing left for you to go back to. Sometimes, you need to give them a couple of chances until you wake up and hit rock bottom. Sometimes, you need to feel the emotions and experience the pain that comes from facing your reality. People force no contact on themselves hoping they’ll make it, but most of them fail to maintain it. Why? Well, they’re trauma bonded and are struggling with a lot of cognitive dissonance. They may also be holding on to that hopeless hope: “Oh, maybe it will work somehow. Maybe I need to fix it.” Their hope has to be shattered into a million pieces. They have to realize there is nobody to go back to. And sometimes, in some cases, reexposure is necessary. Going back to the source of their pain is an important and fundamental part of their healing journey.
The rule of thumb in this community is: “Oh, you should go no contact with the narcissist once you recognize the signs of toxicity in them. You must not look back ever again.” And that is the protocol one must follow. In most cases, that is what works and that is what one should do. But in some cases, people get stuck. They keep asking fundamental questions like: “Oh, I fell in love with a person who was so amazing to me. What are you even talking about? You’re telling me they have no empathy, they can’t be revived, there is no human element left in them, there is no soul in there. How can I believe it when I got to experience the best of them?”
No matter how you try to explain and answer their questions, their emotional self is not able to comprehend it, and they need to wake up to their reality. Cognitively, they might agree with you, but emotionally, they might find themselves stuck. In such cases, reexposure becomes necessary.
What is reexposure? Well, as the word suggests, it is re-exposing yourself to the narcissist’s abusive behavior. Going back doesn’t necessarily mean physically walking back into their life or moving back into their house. It’s like keeping an entry card, keeping that door open. You may not even need to communicate with them. You may not need to talk to them at all. It’s like observing their patterns.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Leave a Comment