Getting into a drama battle with a narcissist, to me, is like stepping into quicksand. The ground may appear solid, but one step in and it becomes obvious that it isn’t stable. The interesting thing about quicksand is that it doesn’t pose a real danger—unless you struggle. In other words, unless you start reacting emotionally and panicking, you won’t sink. The more you flail, the deeper you go.
This feels similar to what happens when you’re drawn into a drama battle with a narcissist. If you fall for any of their manipulation tactics—which I covered in a video about seven common strategies—they pull you deeper into their game. If you haven’t watched that video yet, make sure to check it out. Here’s the thing: narcissists operate in conversations to manipulate and destabilize. When you fall for their strategies, it’s like taking your first step into quicksand.
The temptation might be to reason with the narcissist, to be logical, and to get them to see your perspective so the issue can be resolved. But that’s akin to struggling in quicksand—it only makes things worse. Instead, it’s time to stop falling into their traps and start using strategies that help you stay grounded. These strategies are designed to keep you in control of your emotions, even when provoked. They ensure you remain yourself despite their attempts to push you over the edge.
Here are eight statements you can use when you sense a drama battle brewing:
1. When They Don’t Validate You
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If you’re trying to make a point and the narcissist refuses to validate you, instead shifting blame or accusing you, resist the urge to convince them otherwise. Instead, you can say:
- “You’re allowed to feel that way.”
- “Thank you for letting me know how you feel.”
After using one of these lines, stay focused on your point. If they blame-shift again, simply reply:
- “Well, I just wanted you to know how I feel.”
The temptation may be to make them understand, but they won’t. Narcissists thrive on giving you the opposite of what you want. Express yourself briefly and move on.
2. When They Say Something Ridiculous
If the narcissist starts making false claims or saying things that are absurd, you can respond with:
- “I hear you. Thank you for expressing your viewpoint.”
This response acknowledges their statement without agreeing with it or discrediting yourself. By doing this, you release the urge to align with their perspective—something that will never happen.
3. When They Resort to Name-Calling
Narcissists often resort to name-calling, both overtly and covertly. They might say things like, “You’re selfish,” or “You’re the reason this family is unhappy.” No matter what they accuse you of, remember that you don’t need their approval to hold onto your reality. Respond with:
- “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This statement is empowering because it recognizes their insult without internalizing it. It’s their thought, not yours. You don’t need to convince them otherwise.
4. When They Deny Your Reality
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If a narcissist tries to make you feel like your reality isn’t valid without their approval, resist the urge to over-explain. Instead, say:
- “I agree to disagree.”
- “I choose to see things differently.”
They’ve trained you to feel like you need their agreement, but you don’t. Every time you feel the urge to over-explain, it’s likely because you’ve been conditioned to seek their validation. Break free of that trap.
When you use these strategies, you’ll notice a shift in how you feel. You’ll remain calm, centered, and clear-headed. The more you maintain emotional control, the more frustrated the narcissist will become. Remember, the goal isn’t to make them happy—it’s to help you be the best version of yourself. These strategies protect your sense of self and prevent you from absorbing their negativity.
That said, be prepared: narcissists won’t like it when they can no longer control you emotionally. They thrive on pushing their pathology onto others, and when that doesn’t work, it causes them distress. But that’s not your burden to carry.
If you’ve tried any of these strategies—whether you’re still in a relationship with a narcissist or have left one—please share your experiences in the comments below. I’d love to hear how these techniques have worked for you.
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