Some habits of couples have nothing to do with love. Note which ones, because if you fall into one of them, you are not on the right track!
Couple relationships are complex and challenging. However, many lifestyle habits that are widely accepted in society as normal are in fact toxic.
Books, movies, and television have taught us that true love is dramatic and unstable. In most romantic movies, the perfect couple always goes through scenes of jealousy, infidelity, and arguments. They separate and suffer until the one who made the mistakes repents and only rests when he or she wins back the loved one.
This idea is repeated countless times in our minds creates toxic expectations about love because it leads us to believe that this behavior is normal. It is not. True, strong, real love has nothing to do with instability, constant fighting, and grand gestures. It is built little by little. With mutual effort, understanding, and acceptance. There is no drama involved. Challenges are handled in a relatively safe and calm manner.
Do you want to know what these habits are? We will show them to you below!
- Intense arguments disguised as passion
Couple disputes are necessary and to some extent normal. Necessary because they are a way to express what is wrong and to set limits. And normal because in human relationships there will always be disagreements. Now, how do we argue with our partner? With insults, shouts, and for an unlimited time?
We have the misconception that after an intense argument, there is always an equally intense reconciliation, full of passion. However, intense conflict is not a sign of love. In fact, it is a sign of serious and deep-rooted problems such as immaturity, insecurity, and psychological violence.
- Not verbalizing your feelings and emotions
Avoiding conflict at all costs and swallowing one’s feelings is not a sign that things are going well either. If you can’t tell your partner how you feel, if you can’t share your fears, anxieties and what’s bothering you, be careful. Suppressing thoughts and emotions is a recipe for closure because minor problems develop. Later on, it will become increasingly difficult to solve them.
Differences of opinion in a relationship are normal. Then, being able to talk about them to find common ground is very important. Couples who avoid conflict do not know how to solve problems together. And leaving aside what is bothering them creates the false feeling that everything is fine when in reality it is not. Leslie Becker-Phelps, psychologist.
- Waiting for the partner to solve all our problems
It happens often, but it shouldn’t. We believe because the other must fill our void to make us feel whole and complete. He must meet our expectations and solve all our problems. But this can generate a lot of frustration because no one has the obligation to make us happy.
Our happiness, fulfillment, and well-being depend solely on us. Delegating them to someone else will only create insecurity, emotional dependence, and a constant need for approval.
Jealousy is not a way to measure love. In a moderate way, jealousy is usually part of a couple’s relationship because it represents the fear of losing a loved one. Harmless jealousy is usually temporary. It’s a feeling that doesn’t interfere with a couple’s life. However, when this fear of loss becomes an obsession and generates exaggerated possession, it is called pathological jealousy.
Being with someone who is jealous is exhausting and toxic because it is not possible to maintain a healthy and balanced coexistence. Often the high level of possessiveness ends up destroying the relationship.
- Checking your partner’s online behavior
Many people think it is normal to spy on our partner’s mobile, email, or social networks to see if there is something suspicious. However, just because you share your life with someone doesn’t mean that their independence and privacy shouldn’t be respected.
Healthy relationships require absolute trust. And those who trust have no reason to believe they are being deceived. If you feel the need to stalk your partner, work on your self-esteem and insecurities, or even reconsider the relationship.
- Making fun of your partner
It is normal and even healthy for couples to tease each other, but there is a difference between teasing and making jokes that hurt the other person. Teasing can be a way to increase intimacy and make a life together more fun. However, depending on the tone of voice, body language, and intention, teasing can also turn into contempt and disrespect.
- Punish with silence
This is a very common behavior of a passive-aggressive person. The passive-aggressive is the typical person who does not respond to messages, pretends to forget what they have been told, does not speak sincerely, and does not pay full attention when another person tries to have a clear face-to-face discussion. He does not express how he feels when he is angry because he prefers to “punish with silence” and will wait for the other person to ask him what is wrong or apologize for something he may not be sure he did.
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