Trick number five: They weaponize other people against you. When a narcissist knows you are on to them, they do not fight alone; they recruit. You know well how they turn friends, family, even your own support system against you. Suddenly, you are hearing things from the people you know like, “Maybe you are overreacting. Oh, they are really sorry. Why can’t you move on? Why can’t you give them a chance? I think you’re being too harsh on them.” Why? Because the narcissist has already painted a different story behind your back. They know how to rewrite the story; they have played the victim and made sure you look like the problem. If you are not strong enough in your own truth, what do you do? You start doubting yourself. That’s what they want. Suddenly, you are defending yourself instead of exposing them; suddenly, you are explaining your pain instead of being believed. And that is how they keep you isolated, especially towards the end, by making sure the world around you sees them differently than you do.
Trick number six: Fake spiritual growth and the illusion of change. This is one of the worst. When a narcissist feels you are moving away, they reinvent themselves all of a sudden, but not in a real way. Suddenly, they are all about self-improvement; they are reading books on healing, going to therapy, talking to God—literally. They quote spiritual wisdom, acting like they are on this deep journey of transformation. They might say, “You know what? Last night, God talked to me, and that’s when I realized I have a mission in this life, and my mission is to love you; my mission is to save this family.” They will say it with full, unshakeable confidence. You won’t think for a second that they are lying to you, that it is a performance. They will make you believe it is real. Now, if you are someone who believes in growth and second chances, this pulls you back in. You think, “Maybe this time God has intervened; maybe it will be different; maybe they’re actually changing; maybe their soul is waking up.” No, they are performing; they are using the language of healing and spirituality without actually doing the work. Because real change doesn’t happen overnight; it takes time, consistency, and accountability. Where is any of that with the narcissist? They do not want to change; they just want to buy time. They just want to use your empathy against you because they want to keep you trapped.
Trick number seven: They self-destruct. If all else fails, if they feel like they’re truly losing control, a narcissist will self-destruct right in front of you. They will do something really extreme—spiral into a crisis, threaten harm, lose their mind in some dramatic way—just to make you feel guilty for leaving. They will make you feel like you are the only one who can save them. I call that moral burdening. They make you think if you walk away now, something terrible will happen to them. And that is how they keep you—through fear, obligation, and manipulating your sympathy.
Now, how do you win in this situation? You do not engage. You do not explain. You do not try to prove anything. You see through every trick, and you hold your ground. Because once you recognize the game, you do not play it anymore, and that is when you truly win.
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