Trick number two: They will lure you into the trap of pseudo-admission. A psychopathic narcissist, also called a malignant narcissist, will admit their mistakes but only in a way that keeps you hooked. They know that you have been desperately waiting for them to take responsibility. They save this card for the last moments to buy time and create confusion. They may say things like, “Oh, I know I wasn’t the best partner. I have made so many mistakes; I see that now.” In that moment, your guard drops. You think, “Maybe they have finally changed; maybe all the pain was worth it.” That’s exactly what they want you to think. They want you to believe that the sun has risen from the west and a miracle has happened. They will give you false hope and make you go against your intuition and your decision to leave them, because right after they admit just enough to sound self-aware, they slip in the twist: “But I only acted that way because I was hurt. Oh, I was traumatized. If only you had been more patient, things could have been totally different. I just loved you so much; I did not know how else to handle the situation. I don’t know how to better deal with this experience than just to be honest.” They could say all of this with a puppy face and a remorseful look. Now, instead of holding them accountable, you are comforting them. Instead of walking away, you are giving them another chance unwillingly. This isn’t an apology; it is a carefully crafted trap designed to make you believe change is possible when it is not.
Trick number three: They keep you an inch away. The narcissist does not want you to completely break down, because a broken person can walk away and will walk away eventually. They want you to just be weak enough to stay under their control. That is when you are at your lowest; they throw you just enough kindness—breadcrumbs—to keep you hooked. Right when you are about to leave, they suddenly become sweet again. Right when you hit rock bottom, they give you a moment of relief. They let you breathe. Right when you’re done, they play the victim so you feel guilty. They never let you fully detach, and that is their biggest move. They keep you running on just enough hope, just enough guilt, just enough confusion so you stay. If you’re not aware of what’s going on, you will keep holding on to them, thinking, “Maybe I’m the one who is giving up on them too soon.”
Trick number four: They will turn your life into a game of competition. The moment a narcissist senses you are slipping away, they flip the script. Suddenly, it is not about you wanting them; it’s about you proving you deserve them. They create triangles, introducing someone else—whether it is a new friend, a co-worker, or an ex who is suddenly just talking to them again. They make you compete for their attention, but this game is played subtly. They compare you with others; they hint that someone else appreciates them more. Before you know it, you’re caught in the game, trying to win them back, trying to be better, trying to prove you are the one they should love more. And that’s exactly what they want, because as long as you are busy competing, you’re not questioning them. You need to understand this game: as long as you are trying to win, you are not walking away. You’re stuck trying to prove yourself, trying to show them that you are worthy enough of their approval, attention, and validation. And that is what you must stop doing if you want to save yourself from the torture that you do not deserve to go through.
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