7 Everyday Things That Break a Narcissist's Heart (Narc Told me This)

Number four is when a narcissist hears others laugh about their absence. The narcissist told me he once overheard a colleague say, “Thank God he’s not coming to the party tonight. It’s going to be fun for a change.” And you know what that reminded me of? All the times we rejoiced as children whenever our father left for work. If he had to go for a week, we would anticipate the happiness, the freedom, and the break it would bring, and we rejoiced in it. We couldn’t contain our joy. Then, he would get really angry because he would know what that excitement was all about. Sometimes he would say, “Great! I know you are happy that I’ll be gone for a month, but don’t forget I am coming back, and you are going nowhere,” just to destroy the smiles on our faces.

When the narcissist we’re talking about heard that colleague say those words, it haunted him. You see, the narcissist believes their presence is a gift. Even when people hate them, they are still the center of the room—the drama, the spark, the obsession. But laughter that occurs because they are not around—that is betrayal. That is proof that their role in the group is not as vital as they would like to think. It is toxic. And here is what he confessed: “I would rather be hated than irrelevant. At least when they hate me, I’m on their mind.” That is pathetic, but it is the truth. Invisibility is death to a narcissist’s false self. It means the performance totally failed.

Trigger 5: Mockery in Private

Number five occurs when a narcissist gets mocked in private group chats. I’m not justifying mockery in any way; I’m just sharing what was shared with me. This narcissist discovered it by accident. A coworker left their phone unlocked during lunch, and he saw an interesting meme that intrigued him. But it was about him, followed by laughing emojis from people he thought feared him. He told me he felt violated, but not in the way you would expect—not because of privacy, but because he realized he had become a joke.

Narcissists thrive on admiration—whether from friends or enemies—but never ridicule. Mockery is the one thing they cannot convert into supply or fuel because it exposes the clown underneath the costume. And worse, it confirms that people see what they desperately try to hide: their insecurities. When people are laughing behind their back, it’s no longer their show. They have lost. They have lost the script they so strictly follow.