Lie number five: “You make me a better person.” At first, this sounds like love; it sounds like hope, it sounds like progress. You want to believe that your presence in their life has redeemed them, that all the effort you have poured in is finally paying off, that they are evolving. But what they really mean is they want you to take responsibility for their healing. They want you to become emotionally enslaved to their potential so you never leave. That’s the agenda. So you keep sacrificing, so you keep absorbing the damage and calling it purpose. They broke themselves; they chose dysfunction. But now they want you to feel like it’s your job to redeem them because as long as you feel like you’re their savior, you will never walk away. Even when they hurt you, even when they betray you, when they show you they have no intention of truly changing, you will keep trying to save them from themselves because somewhere along the way they convinced you that your love has a divine assignment, which is why they called you their soulmate. But you’re not their healer; you are their hostage.
Lie number six: “You’re the toxic one. Look how angry you have become; look at how you react.” This is when they have pushed you past your limit. This is when you have finally started standing up for yourself, raising your voice, setting boundaries, or expressing the rage that has been suppressed for so long. Instead of taking accountability, they flip the script. They use your reaction to justify their actions. They point to your anger as proof that you are unstable. They act calm while you fall apart and then use your explosion to paint themselves as the victim. This lie is pure gaslighting. It is designed to break your sense of self, to make you question your reality. If they can make you believe you are the problem, then they never have to change. You will spend months or years trying to prove you are not toxic, trying to be nicer, calmer, more forgiving. But no matter how composed you become, they will always provoke you again because the goal is not peace; the goal is control. If your anger threatens that control, they will twist it until you start apologizing for finally defending yourself.
Lie number seven: “No one will ever love you like I do.” This is the final trap. It is the lie they say when they sense you’re slipping away. It sounds romantic on the surface, but it is actually a curse. What they mean is no one will ever tolerate their abuse the way you have. No one will ever mistake manipulation for passion the way you did. No one will confuse anxiety for love the way you were conditioned to. This lie is about instilling fear—the fear that you are too broken, too damaged, or too difficult to be loved by anyone else. So you settle, you shrink, accept crumbs, and call it a feast because you are convinced it is the best you will ever have. But this is not love; it is bondage. It is a contract signed in trauma, sealed with confusion, and enforced by fear. Real love does not make you doubt your worth; it does not isolate you or torment you or make you beg for the bare minimum. Real love heals you deeply, and the longer you stay with someone who defines abuse as affection, the harder it becomes to remember what love is supposed to feel like.
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