Lie number two: “I love you; I’m just bad at displaying it.” This is where you start blaming yourself for not feeling loved. It is where you twist yourself into knots trying to make things easier for them. You excuse the coldness, the neglect. You tell yourself, “Oh, love looks different for everyone.” But the truth is, someone who loves you does not confuse you; they do not punish you with silence, and they do not withhold affection as a weapon to make you chase them harder. You see, narcissists are not bad at love; they are selective with it. They know exactly how to give it when they want control and exactly how to withhold it when they want you to beg. It keeps you proving your worth, keeps you anxious, and that anxiety becomes the glue that bonds you to someone who has only ever loved your obedience and not your heart.
Lie number three: “I never meant to hurt you.” This one is not remorse; it is image protection. It is gaslighting because to admit they meant to hurt you would expose the fact that they derive power from your pain. So instead, what do they do? They act confused, surprised, and innocent. They will insist it was all a misunderstanding. They will shift the narrative so the conversation becomes about how you took things too personally or how they were just under stress or how their intentions were good. But if you look closely, you will realize the pattern never changes. They always accidentally forget the one day that matters most, and they always find new ways to silence or provoke you when you try to hold them accountable. This is not a string of unfortunate mistakes; this is calculated harm masked as clumsiness, and it keeps the trauma bond alive by confusing your instincts. You feel hurt, but they claim innocence. So what do you do? You stay, hoping the next time will be different, but it never is.
Lie number four: “You’re too sensitive; I was just being honest. What’s wrong with you?” This is psychological warfare. They disguise their cruelty as honesty and then weaponize your reaction to claim emotional superiority. You end up questioning your emotional responses instead of their behavior. You tell yourself, “Oh, you are overreacting,” that maybe you’re just too emotional, too sensitive, too difficult to handle, that maybe they’re right. And slowly, without realizing it, you abandon your own emotional truth to be more tolerable to someone who enjoys watching you unravel. This lie is beyond dangerous because it teaches you to distrust your own intuition and to view your sensitivity as a flaw instead of a signal. The more you suppress your reactions, the more control they gain. It’s not honesty at all when someone uses the truth to humiliate you; it’s not clarity when someone uses facts to gut your spirit. That is verbal abuse dressed up as transparency, and when you accept it, you become complicit in your own silencing.
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