That’s why they are genuinely shocked when you finally stand up for yourself. When you start setting boundaries and refusing to engage in their toxic behavior, they react with meltdowns and tantrums. But no matter how much they lash out, you must stay firm.
Think of it like a toddler throwing a tantrum. It often gets worse before it gets better—but eventually, the tantrums stop. When you refuse to tolerate a covert narcissist’s abuse, they lose their power over you.
5. They Hold Grudges
Covert narcissists are incapable of forgiveness. They hold grudges for years, sometimes even for a lifetime.
This inability to let go isolates them from others, leaving them lonely and disconnected. They push away people who might have truly loved them because they can’t move past perceived slights.
Deep down, narcissists don’t believe they are lovable. They feel unworthy, which makes it impossible for them to form genuine, healthy relationships. As a result, they remain stuck in cycles of resentment, bitterness, and emotional isolation.
6. They Must Always Be the Victim
Perhaps the most self-destructive trait of a covert narcissist is their need to be seen as a victim—no matter the cost.
I’ve seen narcissists destroy relationships with their own family members just so they could maintain their victim narrative. Instead of valuing genuine connections, they prioritize sympathy from outsiders. They’d rather have people feel sorry for them than experience real love and companionship.
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