When you finally cut a narcissist off, the real games begin. If you think they’re just going to leave you alone, think again. Here are six things narcissists do when you go no contact, so you can be prepared and stay one step ahead of them. You ready? Let’s go!
Now, let’s talk about what happens when you finally say enough is enough and go no contact with the narcissist.
Number 1: Hoovering
When you go no contact with someone who has a destructive narcissistic personality pattern, often the very first thing you’ll have to contend with is their relentless hoovering, meaning their attempts to suck you back into the toxic abuse cycle. A narcissist never truly lets go—not really. Whether it’s the moment you draw a line in the sand and shut the door for good or after the dust settles, at some point, you can expect a highly manipulative and calculated attempt to pull you back in.
And certainly not always, but sometimes, how they’ll do this is by suddenly apologizing. I know—shocking and completely out of character! But they’re not doing so genuinely or wholeheartedly; only to the degree that is absolutely necessary. The absolute bare minimum is what you’ll hear because, in reality, they don’t really mean it. They’ll pretend to hear you, claim they get it now, and say they’re sorry—sort of. They may even promise they’ll change for real this time.
Here’s what you need to know: they haven’t changed, and they aren’t going to change whatsoever. They’re completely full of it, and you’re being manipulated. So whatever you do, do not fall for it, no matter what they promise. Narcissists are infamous for making promises that they have zero intention of keeping.
Here’s the kicker: when it comes to narcissistic hoovering, something many people don’t realize and aren’t at all prepared for is that it can happen years later. And I do mean years—sometimes many years. Why? Well, because narcissists are fundamentally lazy. It’s a whole lot easier to cycle back to an old source of supply than it is to go out and do the work to find a new one. So don’t be surprised when they reach out many months, if not years, after the fact. When that happens, be clear: see it for what it is—nothing more than manipulation and lies, future faking and false promises. Your job is to stay strong in the face of it.
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Number 2: Gathering Allies
When their hoovering attempts fail, the narcissist gets busy gathering allies. The moment you go no contact and the narcissist realizes you aren’t playing, they’ll quickly switch gears and go directly into PR mode. They’ll start rallying a team of allies around them, which may include your mutual friends, family members, and even your co-workers. They’ll tell anyone who will listen their version of events, which more often than not has very little, if anything at all, to do with the truth or reality. But that’s no problem for the narcissist; they never let a silly little thing like the truth get in the way of whatever end they’re after—especially when they realize that you aren’t playing anymore and they can no longer have their way with you.
When that’s the case, they’ll spin the narrative to make themselves look and sound like the victim, and you the big bad villain. Every single time, no matter what they’ve done, you’ll be called a bully among other things, and you’ll be accused of doing and being the very things they themselves have done and been. They’ll twist facts, exaggerate, embellish, and flat-out lie—whatever it takes to control how others see you, what they think of you, and how they feel about you. Your job in all of this is to build your self-esteem to a place where you don’t care at all. You can rise above it and stay focused on what matters—namely, you and your own healing and recovery process.
Here’s the thing: you know the truth, so you have to get yourself to a place where that’s enough. I know it can be extremely painful when you’re in the thick of it, but I assure you that if you do the right things, you can get there faster than you imagine.
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Number 3: Flaunting a New Source of Supply
Narcissists don’t do alone very well—not if they can help it. They need a target, a source of emotional and energetic supply, which is what I mean when I say narcissistic supply. Up until you went no contact, that was you. Now you’re out; you’re done for real. The moment you cut them off and mean it, they’ll be on the hunt for a replacement, assuming they don’t already have one waiting in the wings. Maybe it’s an ex they’ve managed to pull back in, or maybe it’s someone brand new. Either way, as soon as they’re able, they’ll flaunt this new relationship on social media, in public, or even directly in front of you if they can.
Why do they do this? Well, to get a reaction, of course—to have an impact and hopefully a significant negative impact. That’s how powerless they are. So powerless, in fact, that this is all they’ve got to feel powerful and significant in their distorted reality. They assume you’re wired just like they are, meaning they assume that you’re jealous, insecure, or even obsessed—again, just like they are—even when you’re none of those things. They’re convinced this flaunting of the new supply will hurt you, so they go to great lengths to put on a performance.
Again, if they can get away with it, the solution to all of this nonsense is simple: don’t play their game at all. Block, delete, unfollow, unsubscribe—unplug entirely across the board as much as you can. Do not give them the opportunity or the satisfaction. Protect your peace of mind and your peace of heart at all costs.
Now I want to hear from you! Drop a comment below—have you experienced any of these? Let’s talk about it. If you’re ready to go deeper and truly break free, check out the Freedom Class, my eight-week transformational coaching program. We go all in on healing, rebuilding your confidence, and reclaiming your power after narcissistic abuse. Click the link in the description below to apply for a free one-on-one consultation with either myself or a member of my team. You don’t have to do this alone; I’ve got you.
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Number 4: Opportunism
Narcissists are opportunistic, meaning they’ll wait for a moment of weakness or vulnerability—something, anything they might be able to take advantage of to get their foot in the door again. Here’s the thing: if the narcissist can’t pull you back into the toxic abuse cycle right away, they’ll bide their time. They’ll watch, even from a distance, and they’ll wait. When you’re at your lowest—after a loss, a crisis, or for whatever reason—you find yourself in a position of vulnerability. They’ll reappear, sometimes out of nowhere, as if by magic, with the goal of exploiting your vulnerability and pain.
This is why doing the real healing and recovery work is so vital and, in my experience, non-negotiable. When you do your work and sever the invisible energetic ties permanently, you become untouchable—bulletproof. No matter what ups and downs you may go through, no matter what life throws at you, you will never, ever be susceptible to narcissistic abuse again.
Number 5: Smear Campaigns
If the narcissist can’t get through to you when they realize you’ve closed the door for real and for good, they have zero power or sway over you. When that happens, they attack your character, your reputation, and your relationships. This is next-level manipulation and abuse, even when done from a distance. The gathering of allies was just the warm-up; now they go all in—spreading outrageous lies about you, twisting the truth beyond recognition, and turning people against you, including your own family and even your own kids, if they can manage it.
It can be brutal and very painful, to say the least. But here’s the truth: anyone who believes the narcissist’s narrative without so much as giving you the benefit of the doubt—never mind the benefit of a conversation—is someone who was never truly on your side to begin with. So see it for what it is, accept it for what it is, do your healing and recovery work, and get your self-esteem to a place where it doesn’t matter. You are rock solid, no matter what the narcissist has to say and no matter who believes them. Let them talk; you stay focused on your own healing, your own life, and getting your life to a much healthier, happier, and more peaceful place than it ever could be with a narcissist in it. Trust me, time has a funny way of bringing truth to light—especially when we stay in our own lane and focus on doing what’s right for ourselves to heal for real and move on to living our best life. That’s where your true power lies.
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Number 6: Seeking Revenge
If they still can’t get to you, they’ll escalate their tactics and seek revenge. If they have any leverage over you—financial, legal, or emotional—you can be sure they’ll use it. They might drag you through legal battles out of sheer spite, even to their own detriment. Narcissists are the epitome of “cut off your nose to spite your face.” As long as they hurt you, they don’t really care who they hurt or inconvenience in the process, including themselves.
Additionally, they might sabotage opportunities in your career or personal life. They’ll definitely try to ruin your credibility if they can get away with it. Why? Because narcissists see boundaries as a form of betrayal, and in their twisted mind, betrayal deserves punishment. Your job in a situation like this is to take away any power or leverage they may have over you. Be smart and be proactive: protect yourself before they strike.
Remember, narcissists move on, but they never really let go—not really. Even when they’re in a new relationship, at some point, the narcissist will shift their focus to a new target, a new source of supply. But don’t be fooled—you’re still on their radar. Again, they might circle back many years later. They’ll pop up unexpectedly, seemingly out of nowhere. To a narcissist, people aren’t people; they’re playthings, possessions, targets to manipulate, dominate, dupe, deceive, exploit, and control.
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