Number 2: Gathering Allies
When their hoovering attempts fail, the narcissist gets busy gathering allies. The moment you go no contact and the narcissist realizes you aren’t playing, they’ll quickly switch gears and go directly into PR mode. They’ll start rallying a team of allies around them, which may include your mutual friends, family members, and even your co-workers. They’ll tell anyone who will listen their version of events, which more often than not has very little, if anything at all, to do with the truth or reality. But that’s no problem for the narcissist; they never let a silly little thing like the truth get in the way of whatever end they’re after—especially when they realize that you aren’t playing anymore and they can no longer have their way with you.
When that’s the case, they’ll spin the narrative to make themselves look and sound like the victim, and you the big bad villain. Every single time, no matter what they’ve done, you’ll be called a bully among other things, and you’ll be accused of doing and being the very things they themselves have done and been. They’ll twist facts, exaggerate, embellish, and flat-out lie—whatever it takes to control how others see you, what they think of you, and how they feel about you. Your job in all of this is to build your self-esteem to a place where you don’t care at all. You can rise above it and stay focused on what matters—namely, you and your own healing and recovery process.
Here’s the thing: you know the truth, so you have to get yourself to a place where that’s enough. I know it can be extremely painful when you’re in the thick of it, but I assure you that if you do the right things, you can get there faster than you imagine.
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