When you finally cut a narcissist off, the real games begin. If you think they’re just going to leave you alone, think again. Here are six things narcissists do when you go no contact, so you can be prepared and stay one step ahead of them. You ready? Let’s go!
Now, let’s talk about what happens when you finally say enough is enough and go no contact with the narcissist.
Number 1: Hoovering
When you go no contact with someone who has a destructive narcissistic personality pattern, often the very first thing you’ll have to contend with is their relentless hoovering, meaning their attempts to suck you back into the toxic abuse cycle. A narcissist never truly lets go—not really. Whether it’s the moment you draw a line in the sand and shut the door for good or after the dust settles, at some point, you can expect a highly manipulative and calculated attempt to pull you back in.
And certainly not always, but sometimes, how they’ll do this is by suddenly apologizing. I know—shocking and completely out of character! But they’re not doing so genuinely or wholeheartedly; only to the degree that is absolutely necessary. The absolute bare minimum is what you’ll hear because, in reality, they don’t really mean it. They’ll pretend to hear you, claim they get it now, and say they’re sorry—sort of. They may even promise they’ll change for real this time.
Here’s what you need to know: they haven’t changed, and they aren’t going to change whatsoever. They’re completely full of it, and you’re being manipulated. So whatever you do, do not fall for it, no matter what they promise. Narcissists are infamous for making promises that they have zero intention of keeping.
Here’s the kicker: when it comes to narcissistic hoovering, something many people don’t realize and aren’t at all prepared for is that it can happen years later. And I do mean years—sometimes many years. Why? Well, because narcissists are fundamentally lazy. It’s a whole lot easier to cycle back to an old source of supply than it is to go out and do the work to find a new one. So don’t be surprised when they reach out many months, if not years, after the fact. When that happens, be clear: see it for what it is—nothing more than manipulation and lies, future faking and false promises. Your job is to stay strong in the face of it.
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