The second question that a narcissist simply cannot answer is: “Why do you keep discarding me and then coming back around?” This refers to the narcissists who discard and then “hoover,” which means they’ll end the relationship usually in a very brutal and sudden way and then come crawling back days, weeks, or months later. However, narcissists who discard and hoover can’t explain why they’re doing it. They’re back because they realize you’re their soulmate and they were just too distracted to see it before—or at least that’s what they want you to think. Ask them at any other time when they’re not actively hoovering, and they’ll probably just shrug it off and call the question ridiculous. “Why do you ask such ridiculous questions?” Or, and this is common, they’ll blame it on you: “I really want to be with you, but I just can’t stand when you hold me accountable.” They won’t actually say that, but that last part is the bit of truth seeping in. Whatever answer they’re giving you gives the impression that they’re really trying hard but that it’s not working because there’s something wrong with you. If you’ve been here, please understand that there’s nothing wrong with you. Sure, you’re not perfect, but this whole discard and hoover thing isn’t because of anything you’ve done; it’s the way the narcissist operates.
The third question a narcissist can’t answer is: “What would you change about yourself?” The kind of answer you’ll get if you ask a narcissist this question is along the lines of “Why mess with perfection?” You may get a more honest answer from a vulnerable narcissist, depending on when you ask, but this will usually be surface-level, and maybe even something that they can’t really change, such as “I would turn my brown eyes green.” While that’s not the wrong answer, the narcissist really isn’t going to get too deep with this one.
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