Wherever a narcissist goes, they carry their toxic self with them, stirring chaos and creating unnecessary panic. The same happens when they are in a restaurant with you. They behave in ways that leave you feeling embarrassed, humiliated, belittled, betrayed, and battered.
Let’s dive deeper into this. Today’s topic is the five weird ways a narcissist behaves in a restaurant. Before we begin, here’s a small disclaimer: these behaviors, in isolation, don’t necessarily indicate narcissism. Someone might display one or more of these behaviors and still not be a narcissist. Do not generalize.
Each of these behaviors is just a piece of the puzzle and a reflection of their narcissistic core. While discussing these behaviors, I will connect their actions to their internal motivations to provide more clarity.
Behavior 1: Choosing a Special Spot
The first behavior is their tendency to choose a specific spot in the restaurant that sets them apart from others. What does this reveal? They believe they are superior to others and refuse to be seated among “commoners.” Narcissists want to be perceived as special. They’ll demand a particular table or corner, often acting entitled and grandiose.
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For example, they might summon the waiter and say:
“I want that corner table now, please. Can I get some space? I can’t stand these people.”
If they’re a covert narcissist, they may choose an isolated spot to maintain their façade and hide their abusive tendencies. Narcissists use food and special occasions to manipulate and control their loved ones. By demanding a specific spot, they create a setting that fosters abuse while ruining the occasion for others.
However, it’s important not to confuse this behavior with social anxiety. People with social anxiety might also prefer a quiet corner to feel safe and less overwhelmed. The difference lies in intention: a narcissist does it to manipulate and control, while others do it for comfort.
An overt narcissist, in contrast, might seek attention in loud and obnoxious ways. They’ll yell, call for attention, or disrupt the atmosphere to ensure everyone notices them.I once witnessed this firsthand. A loud and disruptive man seated nearby drew everyone’s attention in the restaurant. He seemed to relish the irritation he caused, interpreting the attention as admiration. His behavior revealed his insecurity and desperate need for validation.
Behavior 2: Lack of Connection and Open Cheating
Narcissists often fail to connect with their companions. Instead, they may openly flirt with others, engage in excessive phone use, or text their alternate sources of supply. What does this look like? While you’re trying to engage with them, they’ll be distracted by others in the room or immersed in their phone. If you confront them, they’ll dismiss your concerns by calling you “crazy” or “too sensitive.”
For example:
“See, this is why I don’t like going anywhere with you. You’re always nagging and making a scene.” They’ll often abandon you mid-meal, leaving you embarrassed and humiliated.
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Behavior 3: Disrespecting Service Staff
Narcissists treat service staff poorly, showing their true colors in how they interact with waiters and waitresses.
How does this manifest?
- They belittle, ignore, or refuse to acknowledge service staff.
- They repeatedly call waiters for trivial reasons to assert dominance.
Overt narcissists blatantly demean staff, viewing them as inferior or merely objects to serve their needs. Covert narcissists, however, may act overly nice to gain admiration and approval. This manipulation can leave you questioning why they treat strangers kindly but behave cruelly toward you.
Behavior 4: Creating Drama and Seeking Attention
Narcissists thrive on drama. In a restaurant, they’ll often create a scene to draw attention. What does this entail?
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- Complaining excessively about food: “This dish is too salty/sweet/sour.”
- Threatening staff: “I’ll sue you! I demand to speak with the manager!”
Their goal isn’t to resolve an issue but to draw negative attention. Whether the room is filled with 50 or 100 people, they’ll make sure every eye is on them.
Behavior 5: Controlling the Menu and Making You Pay
Finally, narcissists often control what you order and manipulate you into paying the bill.
What happens?
They’ll criticize your food choices, saying:
“Why do you need that drink? Isn’t what I ordered enough for you?”
They’ll accuse you of financial abuse while shamelessly spending on themselves. At the end of the meal, they’ll either explicitly ask you to pay or subtly pressure you into doing so. Dining with a narcissist can be an emotionally draining experience. They seek to control, manipulate, and destroy any chance of enjoyment. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step in protecting yourself from their toxic influence.
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