They fix their appearance every time you speak, and at first, it looks like normal behavior. When you go deeper, you realize it is their subtle way of making you feel unworthy of their attention and time. You are pouring your heart out, expressing your pain, revealing your deepest wounds, reaching for connection, and what do they do? They adjust their collar, start yawning, smooth their hair, glance at their reflection, check their phone, look past you, fix their sleeves, touch their face—anything—all while you’re right there trying to connect. It makes you feel so small, like your emotions are not even worthy of their presence. And if by any chance you dare to confront them about it, they brush it off with excuses. They tell you they’re just tired, distracted, or preoccupied—so done with your shenanigans. The thing is, they want you to believe them. You think maybe the timing was just off, but then you start noticing a pattern. They are never distracted when they are the one speaking. You see, when they want to make a point, when they need your full attention, they demand it, and they get it. But when it is your turn, something always shifts. Their energy becomes distant, doesn’t it? Their eyes drift, their focus slips away, and suddenly you feel like a nuisance, like your words are just background noise, like your voice holds no weight. What they are doing is silent invalidation. It is a nonverbal way of communicating that you do not matter, you’re not important enough to hold their attention, that your thoughts are not worth pausing for, that their image matters more than your truth. And this is, of course, not accidental; it is control. They know exactly how it makes you feel, even if they never say it out loud. Every time they do it, they’re sending a message without speaking. Can you guess what that is? “You’re not interesting, you’re not impressive, you are not worthy of my full presence.” And over time, that message becomes your reality. It sinks in. You start speaking less, you trim your thoughts, you hesitate before opening your mouth. You naturally second-guess your timing, your tone, your content, not because what you are saying is wrong, but because you have been trained to believe that no one really cares about you. You begin to associate your own voice with interruption. You begin to feel like every time you express yourself, you’re bothering someone who would rather be looking in a mirror than looking at you. Number three:
Public Struggles and Pretended Ignorance
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
Leave a Comment