Narcissists weaponize everything they possibly can to harm you. One such thing is food. They use food to control your body, induce shame, and bend your will so that you comply and give in to their demands. But how do they do this? Let’s find out in today’s episode.
1. They disguise control as concern
One way a narcissist exerts control is by camouflaging their demands as genuine concern. For example, they may consistently express worry about your health and use this as a way to dictate your diet. They might say things like, “I’m only thinking of your health; otherwise, I don’t have any problem with you eating,” while criticizing your choice of meals or portion sizes
They dictate what you should eat, when you should eat, and how much you should consume. My father would remove food from my mother’s and sister’s plates right when they were ready to eat, saying he wanted them to lose weight. How disrespectful is that? Yet, they still blindly enable him.
This manipulation is insidious because it masquerades as care. When repeated over time, it causes you to lose confidence in your ability to make decisions about your own eating habits or destroys your relationship with food. This may later manifest as an eating disorder.
As an adult, you are capable of making your own choices regarding what you eat. If this is something you’re currently experiencing, please leave if you can. If not, try to create solid boundaries around this.
2. They criticize your table manners
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A narcissist attacks your self-esteem through constant criticism of your table manners. Whether it’s how you hold your utensils, the speed at which you eat, or the sounds you make while eating, no detail is too small for them to scrutinize.
This criticism becomes a source of anxiety and makes meals—especially in public or with company—a stressful experience. The intention behind this is to make you hyper-aware of your actions and ultimately control your behavior.
The ultimate goal of a narcissist is to undermine your confidence so that you become more dependent on their approval, giving them a sense of power.
3. They make you feel guilty for enjoying your favorite food
It’s natural to find pleasure in food, isn’t it? But narcissists taint this simple joy by making you feel guilty for eating something you love. Whether it’s through derogatory comments or subtle jabs, they make it clear that they disapprove of your choices.
Picture this: You’re eating ice cream, enjoying it, and the narcissist says something like, “Do you know how many calories are in that?” instantly sucking the joy from the moment.
This manipulation is rooted in their inability to see you happy. As a victim, you may slowly develop feelings of shame around eating and forgo the foods you love. This is why I often say that you fade away in a relationship like this. You lose yourself—your likes, wants, needs, and desires—until you feel empty within and without.
4. They constantly criticize your body, weight, or diet
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Narcissists demoralize you by consistently criticizing your body, weight, or diet to control your self-image and self-esteem. By making you feel self-conscious and judged, they manipulate you into seeking their approval.
You might hear comments like, “Are you sure you need to eat that?” or, “That doesn’t seem like a very healthy choice.” This criticism connects food to your self-worth and may come in various forms—direct comments, comparisons with others, or passive-aggressive remarks.
As this becomes a regular occurrence, meals and social gatherings turn into dreaded events. The continuous criticism starts to take a toll on your mental health, leaving you anxious and stressed, especially around food. This tactic is used to maintain control by dominating your thoughts and emotions surrounding food and body image, keeping you in a perpetual state of insecurity.
5. They control access to food and pick fights during meals
Controlling access to food or picking fights during mealtimes is a narcissist’s way of starving you emotionally and physically. The goal is to weaken you and make it easier to manipulate and brainwash you.
This is similar to what happens in cults—controlling food and sleep is a way to break a person’s will. A narcissist may limit the types of food available to you, dictate meal times, or create unnecessary conflicts during meals. For example, they might start an argument right as you sit down to dinner.
Food is one of your basic needs. When your brain perceives a threat—such as the possibility of being starved—it may activate extreme coping mechanisms like fawning (complying with the narcissist’s demands). You may also experience somatic dissociation, where your awareness of bodily sensations like hunger or pain diminishes.
In Conclusion
Do you see how deep and damaging narcissistic abuse is? It’s one of the most horrible experiences a person can go through. Narcissists weaponize everything they can, and food is one of their tools to control your body, emotions, and mind.
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