5 Undeniable Proof a Narcissist Regrets Losing You Even If They Hide It

Sign number four: they train your children to become their informants, gathering every detail about your life under the guise of casual conversation. This is really painful and deeply manipulative because children are involved. A narcissist sees your children as tools to maintain control over you. They will not directly ask invasive questions, at least not always. Instead, they will turn everyday conversations with your children into information-gathering missions. It may start with seemingly innocent questions like, “What did you and Mom do this weekend?” or “Did Dad have anyone over?” On the surface, it looks like a parent showing interest, right? But over time, it becomes clear they are piecing together a picture of your life that has nothing to do with parenting and everything to do with surveillance. The saddest part is how this puts the children in the middle. It forces them to carry messages, deliver updates, and sometimes even feel guilty for sharing or not sharing. This kind of manipulation does not just keep the narcissist connected to your life; it also sows confusion and loyalty conflicts in children, which can take years to undo. Unfortunately, when a narcissist regrets losing you, they will still want access to your private world. And if the only bridge left is through the children, they will use it without hesitation.

Sign 5: Showing Up at Your Events

Sign number five: they deliberately show up at events where you will be present, then twist the narrative to claim you are the one trying to reconnect. If the narcissist finds out where you will be—whether through social media, mutual friends, or community events—they will show up, acting like it’s a coincidence, but it’s not. Their real aim is twofold. First, to provoke a reaction from you; they want to see if you will approach them, avoid them, or look uncomfortable. Second, to control the story afterward. If they can twist it so that others believe you are the one trying to reconnect, they get to keep the upper hand in the narrative. What makes this so insidious is that it forces you into a defensive position. Even if you did nothing to invite them, the way they frame it can make you look like the one chasing them. And that is exactly the image they want to project to cover up their own inability to stay away from you.