Recognizing that their unhappiness is not your fault, they want you to think that they’re unhappy, and it’s all because you haven’t found the secret formula to make them happy, that’s just a lie, that’s just a lie to keep you in the hamster wheel they’re unhappy because they choose to be unhappy.
Regarding my coaching clients, one way that I help them see that this is strategically done that the narcissist hates happiness is by analyzing when the fights come about what makes them angry. They’re never angry when you’re upset about things. Narcissists are always angry when everything seems fine, you think you’re having a good time you’re having this great conversation with them, and the next thing you know you’re being attacked verbally, or you’re out you’re on your way to a beautiful event and the hole right there, there’s some kind of crazy the argument going on that makes no sense. it’s because the narcissist has to tone down your happiness it’s threatening them a little. So, recognizing that your happiness is not dependent on them being happy with you is hard to swallow.
A lot of us need that approval from our significant other because maybe there are some unresolved wounds inside of us where we were taught as children that our worth depends on what others think of us, and now we’re in a relationship and the person who thought of us does not think of us highly, that just pours lemon on that cut, on that wound. So, we need to heal that wound in order to be happy and recognize that we can feel good about ourselves, even if the other person chooses not to see any good in us.
Having some key phrases is helpful when they attack your happiness if you’re enjoying something a passion and they come over and they criticize it rather than try to explain, rather than try to get them to see life through your eyes. A simple phrase like “well you’re allowed to have your opinion, you’re allowed to see it that way, that’s okay”
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