4 Tactics Covert Narcissist Uses To Make you the Villain
They act differently based on the situation. We know that narcissists behave as if they have a split personality; they become who they need to be to get what they want. But with covert narcissists, this goes far beyond the public versus private persona that many discuss. This is not just about the charming mask they wear in front of others and the cruelty they unleash behind closed doors.
This is about extreme, unpredictable shapeshifting that they perform even when no one is watching, just for you. It is one of the most insidious forms of psychological abuse because it destabilizes your very sense of reality. You do not know who you’re dealing with, and you’re left thinking, “What is happening? Who am I? Is this even real? Why did this person just become a completely different human being within seconds? How is that possible?”
The answer to all these questions is that they do it to confuse you, to gaslight you, and to ensure they always remain in control of their narrative. For example, you may have a covert narcissistic partner who is extremely sweet and affectionate in public settings. They will hold your hand, hug you, and look deeply into your eyes, making you feel connected, seen, and valued. You might think, “Oh, maybe this is real; maybe they truly love me.” But the moment you are at home, when no one else is around, the same partner may refuse to touch you. They may withdraw and treat you with cold indifference, as if you are a stranger in your own relationship.
Imagine this: you are in bed together, and nobody’s watching. They hold your hand lightly, creating a false sense of closeness. But if you lean into intimacy, expressing a human need for closeness, they will instantly turn on you. The warmth will evaporate; they will berate you, call you names, and make you feel like a predator or an offender. Why? Because they need to flip the dynamic, justify their rejection, and make themselves the victim. They need you to feel ashamed for having needs.
This is more than just intimacy; it’s about control and maintaining the upper hand in every situation. I have lived this dynamic and seen it play out in ways that leave scars on your soul.
Personal Experiences and Conclusion
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