4 Tactics Covert Narcissist Uses To Make you the Villain
They weaponize unresolved past issues to take on the role of an eternal victim. This tactic is extremely corrosive because it distorts your sense of time and reality. Let’s say you’re talking about something that happened today—something fresh, something that occurred just minutes ago. If they are caught, what will the covert narcissist do? Suddenly, they will bring up something that happened ten years ago, something you said in childhood, or unresolved issues from the past, spinning them to prove they are the victim.
They will remember what they want to remember and forget what they want to forget. They will deny what they just said five minutes ago but vividly recall every past grievance where they felt slighted. Why? Because this shifts the focus. Now, the conversation is no longer about their behavior today; it is about your past sins, words, and mistakes. They play this card so effectively that even when you have valid points, you feel forced into defending yourself against things that have nothing to do with the present.
Back to my mother: If I confronted her about something she had done, she would say, “But what about what you did when you were ten? What about what your father did fifteen years ago?” Suddenly, I was trapped in her narrative. She was the eternal victim, and I was always the ungrateful child causing her so much pain. They do not want to look at the truth; they want to protect their false story at any cost. The moment you try to show them the mirror, they will pull out their mental list and force you into their victim script.
Tactic 4: Situational Performance
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