4 Secrets to OUTSMART a Narcissist in Any Conversation

Number three, create space through silence and trigger them strategically. See, narcissists hate space. They hate silence. Why? Because it forces them to sit with their own emotions—something they are terrified of doing.

When you step back and create space through silence, whether it’s a pause in the conversation, physical distance, or even taking a long moment before responding, you are breaking their rhythm. You are breaking the pattern. They want it to be like a dog fight: they bark, and then you are expected to bark. But when you don’t, and you literally put that phone away, look at them with those pity eyes, you trigger their collapse once more.

When you do this, you can watch them evaporate in front of your eyes, or at least the pressure they have created on you. Let’s say they are in the middle of a tirade, accusing you of being ungrateful or unkind. They want to make you feel guilty to get the type of response they need to feel better.

Instead of jumping in to defend yourself, take a deep breath. Let them sit in the silence; count 30 breaths intentionally—this is what I use—then respond with something neutral like, “I hear you,” and a slow head nod. This not only disarms them, but also gives you control over the interaction. You’re not reacting; you are deciding how to engage.

The irony is, this often triggers them even more. But their heightened reaction only reveals their lack of control, especially over their emotions. You just have to remain grounded. You can say, “We will talk about this when you feel better,” making it all about their emotional state, putting the blame where it belongs—on them.