In this article, I outline three ways smart people deal with narcissists and the holidays, so you can enjoy more peace and come through the holiday season intact.
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why does the narcissist ruin holidays?” And if you’ve ever wondered what you can do about it, this article is for you!
The holiday season is a time of year when the narcissist will be most likely to ramp up classic narcissistic manipulation tactics like narcissistic hoovering and gaslighting.
The person with destructive narcissism will do this with deliberate intent to have a negative impact on you. And the truth is, you don’t have to play!
You can choose to no longer be a source of narcissistic supply for the destructive narcissist, even during the holidays.
This is true, even with your narcissistic inlaws, your narcissistic parents, your narcissistic mother, your narcissistic father, and even your narcissistic sibling.
Understanding the Situation
During the holidays, it’s more important than ever not to slip into what I call “codependent amnesia,” especially when dealing with narcissistic individuals in your life. Narcissists derive satisfaction from creating chaos and drama, and they revel in pushing your buttons. This tendency becomes even more pronounced during highly charged occasions like holiday gatherings.
Remember, narcissists crave attention—positive or negative—and have a pathological need to feel superior, dominant, and in control. If they view you as a threat, they will target you, directly or passively, and any pushback can and will be used against you. That said, setting healthy boundaries is essential, even if it feels challenging.
However, it’s crucial to pick your battles wisely. For example, a Christmas dinner might not be the best time to assert your boundaries for the first time. Instead, proceed cautiously and ensure you’re mentally and emotionally prepared to handle the dynamic.
Three Smart Ways to Handle Narcissists Over the Holidays
1. Set Time Limits
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Set clear time limits for yourself when interacting with toxic individuals during the holidays. Decide in advance how long you’ll stay at events and plan your exit strategy. Arrive late, leave early, and create excuses if necessary to shorten your exposure. Having a solid exit plan gives you control and ensures you can leave gracefully if the situation becomes tense.
Remember, as an adult, you have the power to choose how and when to engage. It’s your responsibility to prioritize your well-being.
2. Keep Expectations Low
Don’t expect narcissists to suddenly become kind, empathetic individuals just because it’s the holidays. Keeping your expectations low helps you avoid disappointment when they exhibit their usual toxic behaviors.
For example, narcissists are often disappointing gift-givers, offering inappropriate or intentionally underwhelming gifts to provoke a reaction. Recognize these actions as deliberate provocations and avoid falling into their trap. Keep your composure, see the behavior for what it is, and laugh it off later.
3. Recognize and Ignore Insults
Narcissists thrive on veiled insults, passive-aggressive comments, and underhanded compliments designed to undermine your self-worth. These remarks are often meant to plant seeds of doubt or provoke an emotional reaction.
By keeping your expectations low and setting clear boundaries, you can remain unaffected by their attempts to insult or manipulate you. Over time, their words will lose their sting, and you’ll see their behavior as a reflection of their insecurities rather than a commentary on you.
Final Thoughts
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If dealing with narcissistic individuals during the holidays feels overwhelming, consider opting out entirely and focusing on self-care. Sometimes, skipping the gathering and nurturing your own well-being is the healthiest choice.
If you do choose to engage, make sure you’re well-rested, emotionally grounded, and prepared. Don’t walk into the situation stressed, sleep-deprived, or emotionally vulnerable, as narcissists often prey on weakness.
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