When you decide to cut a narcissist out of your life for good, what can you expect? Surprisingly, quite a few things.
First, their attraction to you will likely skyrocket. Narcissists tend to desire what is out of their reach. For them, the allure only grows when something is unattainable, creating a “forbidden fruit” effect. People often crave what is forbidden, but narcissists take this tendency to an extreme due to the deep void within them.
Additionally, narcissists spend significant time in their imaginations, often to the point of delusion. They have inflated views of their value, abilities, and skills, leading to a sense of entitlement and superiority. Once they realize you’re truly gone, they will feel your absence deeply. They yearn for what they can no longer have, especially if they previously perceived you as someone who enhanced their image or fulfilled their needs.
This is true not only for romantic relationships but also for friendships, family, or professional connections. As a result, you can expect narcissists to engage in hoovering—tactics designed to pull you back into the toxic cycle of abuse.
The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle
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The cycle of narcissistic abuse has three main phases:
- Idealization – The narcissist showers you with praise and affection (love bombing).
- Devaluation – They begin to belittle, blame, and manipulate you.
- Discard – They abandon or push you away when you are no longer useful to them.
The process is riddled with gaslighting, projection, and deceit, keeping you trapped in a loop. If you allow the narcissist back into your life, you risk restarting the cycle, which only becomes more painful with each iteration. The emotional, psychological, and even financial toll worsens over time.
Hoovering and Flying Monkeys
Narcissists are relentless and may use flying monkeys—people like family members, friends, or colleagues—to manipulate you. These individuals often have incomplete or biased information and may unwittingly (or intentionally) advocate for the narcissist, urging you to reconnect.
If hoovering and flying monkeys fail, the narcissist may resort to smear campaigns. They will attempt to tarnish your reputation by spreading lies and portraying you as the villain. This is their way of controlling how others perceive you when they can no longer control or manipulate you directly.
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Protecting Yourself
- No Contact: Maintain a firm no-contact policy. Do not engage with the narcissist or their enablers.
- Set Boundaries: Learn to establish and enforce boundaries, even with people acting on the narcissist’s behalf.
- Focus on Healing: Invest your time and energy into self-care, recovery, and personal growth.
- Build a Support System: Surround yourself with people who understand and support your decision to stay away from toxic influences.
Final Thoughts
Understanding the narcissist’s predictable behavior helps you prepare and protect yourself. While their tactics can be distressing, focusing on your healing and growth ensures you stay on the path to recovery.
Remember, their inability to change is not your responsibility. Prioritize your well-being and continue working toward a life of peace and self-confidence.
If you’ve experienced these patterns, feel free to share your story below. For additional resources or coaching support, check the link provided in the description. Stay strong and focused on your journey to healing!
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