How To Know If He Loves Me: 11 Signs That Don’t Deceive
He loves me… he loves me not… if only finding the answer was as simple as picking petals from a flower. So, what makes it so difficult to determine if a man really loves you?
Many of us have ideas about what love should be, what it should look like, and how it should feel. Most of the time, these ideas are completely wrong (we can thank romantic comedies for that). As a result, some of us may not recognize the real thing when it presents itself to us.
It may be because of these great visions of love that have been implanted in our minds, but it could also result from having been hurt too many times in the past and putting up walls for giving love or being able to receive it.
The fact is that love is a delicate thing. A man may say he loves you and not really mean it, and a man may love you very much but not be willing to say it.
Love, as beautiful as it is, can also be scary, and many of us stay on guard until we are sure how the other person feels so we don’t hurt each other. The problem is that when you are caught trying to figure out if a man loves you, you can no longer be present in the relationship. Instead of connecting, you are stuck in your own worrying thoughts, and these thoughts produce fears and insecurities that ultimately prevent you from getting the love you want. So how do you know if a man is really in love with you? If he shows these 11 signs, then it’s safe enough to say he is.
11 signs that he loves you
- The way he looks at you
He looks at you as if you were a unicorn as if he can’t believe you exist. He may even come right away and say, “I can’t believe someone like you exists.”
This is not a look of lust and desire (although he will feel it as surely as that!). Instead, it is marked by a certain level of respect, serenity, and inner calm. It is a look reserved only for you. It’s not just the way he looks at you; it’s the frequency. He can’t stop looking at you; whether you are together or across the room, his gaze will always be directed at you.
- He wants to give you
True love is about giving, not taking. That’s why parents love their children more than their children love them. You might think it would be the other way around. From birth to adolescence, (and sometimes beyond!) children take and parents give. All parents (including me!) will tell you you never know true love until you have a child, and that’s because true love is about giving. Nothing will hit you as hard as being completely responsible for tiny, helpless people!
When you love someone, you want to give them everything you have. It is not about material goods. You want to give by being the best you can be, you want to make them happy, you want to improve their life, you want to do things for the other person who will make them happy. Love is not just a feeling; it is a verb that manifests itself in actions. The greatest action that shows that a man loves you is when he gives you everything he can.
- Treats you as a priority
Everyone is busy; we all have work, school, or other commitments. When a man loves you, he will make time with you a priority. And if he really doesn’t have the time, he’ll let you know when he does. When a man loves you, you are the most important person in his life and he will make sure you make a place for you in his life. You are not an afterthought or a Plan B. You are the only one for him.
- He wants to immerse himself in your life
He wants to meet your family and all your friends, and he really wants them to love him. He attempts to get to know them and make a good impression. He wants to know all about your passions and hobbies and tries to connect as much as possible to these areas of your life. He also wants to immerse you in his life and introduce you to all the people who matter to him.
He wants you to be best friends with everyone he is close to, and he wants the people in his life to love you as he does. More than that, he includes you in his larger life plan. He doesn’t talk vaguely about the future; instead, he clarifies that he envisions a future with you.
- 5. He really sees you as you really are
He notices things about you that others don’t see (maybe he even sees things that you don’t!). He notices how you interact with others, how people feel in your presence, how your mind works, how you handle emotions, how you express yourself. He pays attention to all the little details and remembers them. He appreciates the full range of who you are, the good and the bad.
He doesn’t just love you, he loves the things about you. Really loving people doesn’t mean you love what they make you feel (although many people believe that’s what love is), it’s about loving them for who they care about. This kind of love has nothing to do with how good that person makes you feel about yourself. It doesn’t mean that someone you love can’t or won’t make you feel good about yourself, but you can’t really love people just because they make you feel good. It’s a very selfish kind of love, a love that feeds your need to feel good at the moment, not deep, life-changing love.
When someone really sees you, they see not only everything you are but everything you want to be, and they will let you know when you fail. The catch? It can make you feel bad about yourself. If you are a fool with strangers, if you treat a friend badly, or if you don’t live up to your obligations, someone who loves you will let you know. It may not feel good, but it is a sign that they really see you and care about you.
- Your happiness is just as important to him as his own.
Your happiness is perhaps even more important! When you love someone, their happiness is your happiness. This is especially true for men who need to feel that they can make a woman happy. If you tell him that something is making you unhappy and he continues to do so, it is not a sign that he is in love with you. A man who loves you will avoid doing things that make you unhappy and will learn what things make you happy, and he will attempt to do those things.
- He misses you when you are separated
Men fall in love in the absence of a woman, not in her presence. A man can give you all the love in the world while he is with you because it is nice to be with someone else, to connect and be affectionate, but what does he look like when he is not with you? Does he miss you? Does he attempt to reach out? Or does he disappear for days at a time and tell you he’s sorry, he’s just been “super overwhelmed”?
When you love someone, you long for their presence and miss them when they’re gone. That doesn’t mean that you constantly think about them every minute you’re awake because that would be an unhealthy obsession, not love, but the thought of them always stays in the background. Things remind you of them, something is happening and you want to tell them, you just feel a constant connection even when you are separated. When a man is in love with you, he will stay in touch. He will send you funny things he finds online or links to articles he thinks you would like, or he will tell you something funny that happened to him he thought you would enjoy.
- Keeps you informed
I remember very early in my relationship with my husband, I knew he really cared about me because he always kept me informed, even when it wasn’t necessary. For example, before our third appointment, I texted him to confirm the time, and he didn’t answer for about 45 minutes and when he did, he apologized for the delay and said he was with friends and wasn’t checking his phone.
I don’t consider 45 minutes to be that important in time and I don’t need an explanation, but it made me feel pampered, and it showed me he considered me important and didn’t want me to think the rest was more important. He was constantly doing thoughtful things like that, and that’s how I knew he liked me before I even told him. When a man loves you, he will never leave you waiting. He will keep you informed of what he is doing, not because he has to, but because he wants to.
- He’s there for you even when things go wrong.
Being in love is easy when everything is going well, but what happens when you have a bad time or when you need him? How does he react when there is a problem when he needs to be there for you, even if there are other things he would rather do? Love is centered on others; it is not about one’s own needs and desires, but about caring for someone else. When a man loves you, nothing is more important than being there for you when you need him. It may not always be his ideal scenario, but he will commit and be there.
- He does not give up
He puts everything into the relationship and is truly committed to making it work. When you love someone, you don’t stop without a fight.
I remember when I first started my relationship with my husband, many of my deepest fears in my relationship bubbled to the surface. I had been blinded by breakups in the past; men told me they loved me and then they left me. It’s hard to forget such things and clean the slate.
Even though this relationship differed totally from anything I had ever experienced, these fears persisted. I remember one conversation I had with him about this, and he told me that if this relationship didn’t last, it would be a mutual separation and we would both see it coming. He wasn’t just going to leave; he was going to put everything he had into it. He did that and so did I, and thankfully, it all worked out!
If a man says he loves you but doesn’t want to try anymore, or gives up because he thinks it’s too hard, then it probably wasn’t true love. You don’t give up on love if you haven’t put everything you have into making it work, and it just wasn’t possible (and that’s something that both people will usually be able to recognize clearly).
Sometimes someone may really love you, but because you’re just not right for each other, or maybe because you’re not willing to make the effort, they will walk away even if they love you, but only after they’ve given everything.
- You don’t worry about how he feels; you know it.Open the next page below to see more
If a man loves you, you know it. It’s obvious to you and to everyone around you. You will have a feeling of peace and calm and knowledge.
When someone really loves you, their behavior and the way they are with you will not make you feel insecure/afraid/anxious/worried (as long as you are emotionally healthy yourself. If you are inclined to feel these feelings, no matter what, then they are probably generated within you).
Check with yourself and see where it comes from. Usually when we feel uncomfortable, like the rug is going to be pulled out from under us, it’s because the relationship isn’t standing on firm ground because the man isn’t sure how he feels. When someone loves you, he shows it and you know it just before he says it.
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