10 Weird Things Survivors Do After Escaping the Narcissist

Cleaning and scrubbing until your skin is raw—there’s cleaning, and then there’s this. It’s a desperate, unconscious urge to erase something that feels dirty, contaminated, or cursed. Survivors may spend hours scrubbing floors, reorganizing closets, or washing the same dishes repeatedly. The most haunting behavior occurs in the bathroom, where they scrub their skin so hard it turns red, going through bottles of body wash as their shower turns into silent breakdowns. They try to wash away the invisible—the shame, the disgust, the touch that lingers even after the narcissist is gone. Their body is in protest, saying, “Get them off me.” Until the trauma is acknowledged, no amount of soap will ever be enough.

2. Over-Apologizing: The Burden of Excessive Politeness

You find yourself apologizing for asking a question, for needing help, and even when someone bumps into you. It’s automatic, like a reflex you didn’t know you developed. The narcissist didn’t just punish your mistakes; they punished your existence. They made your voice feel intrusive, your presence a burden, and your emotions an inconvenience. So you overcompensate, shrinking into someone overly polite, overly soft, and overly agreeable. You start apologizing not just to others but to yourself: “I’m sorry I feel this way. I’m sorry I need time. I’m sorry I’m not okay.” This is how the narcissist lives on in your vocabulary long after they are gone.

3. Emergency Escape Bags: The Need for Control

You’re safe now, but your body does not believe it. So you keep a small bag packed with clothes, money, ID, phone charger, and meds—just in case. You might hide it under the bed, in the car, or behind the closet. Most of the time, you don’t even consciously know it’s there, but it gives you a sense of control—a backup plan, an exit strategy. When you’ve been trapped once, freedom never feels permanent. You sleep lighter, double-check locks, and plan your exits in public places. That bag isn’t paranoia; it’s your body saying, “This time, if I have to run, I will be ready.”