Another favorite phrase narcissists love to use is, “I never said that.” Again, we’re looking at patterns of behavior here; it’s not just a one-time thing where they don’t remember saying something. It starts to feel like selective amnesia. It seems as though they remember everything except the things that are convenient for them to forget. This can be infuriating, and they will often gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem and that you’re the one who doesn’t remember things properly. For those of you who might be stuck in a relationship like this, consider keeping records for yourself. Be careful about recording conversations, as consent laws vary depending on your location. But definitely start documenting things so you can reality-check yourself, ensuring you don’t start believing the gaslighting.
Another phrase narcissists love to throw around is, “You’re just jealous.” This could refer to jealousy of them or jealousy of someone else. What’s really interesting about this is the shame that comes with it. Especially in certain communities, such as among Christians, jealousy (just like envy) is considered a sin—one of the seven deadly sins. So, when someone calls you jealous, they’re labeling you as the embodiment of this sin, suggesting you should feel ashamed.
They are doing nothing more than shaming you. This isn’t limited to Christians; as a society, we often view jealousy as a feeling we should be ashamed of, something we shouldn’t embody. If you do experience jealousy, even if it’s justified and you’re pointing out something inappropriate, it can be easy to internalize that shame. You might think, “I shouldn’t feel this way; maybe I should just not care.” But the reality is, if someone is hiding things from you or engaging in inappropriate behavior, that’s not your problem, and you shouldn’t be the one feeling ashamed.
One more thing to note about the phrase “You’re jealous” is that it’s projection. Whenever someone judges you or points a finger at someone else, it’s a good indication of what’s going on inside that person, whether they are a narcissist or not. This may be a characteristic they exhibit, or one that they repress. But in any case, don’t let someone place shame on you for having those feelings; there’s probably something that needs to be discussed. Try to steer the conversation back to the reasons why you feel that way instead of just accepting the blanket of shame they’re trying to impose on you.
Sharing is caring!
Leave a Comment