10 Things Narcissists Say (And What They REALLY Mean)

I also want to point out that if this is something that happens once or twice, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a red flag. Just because someone thinks you should be sorry for something doesn’t mean you should be sorry for it or feel like you have to apologize if you aren’t. You really shouldn’t apologize for something you’re not genuinely regretful about because then it’s just fake and probably manipulative.

So that brings us to the next way people use this phrase: “I’m sorry you feel that way” can be used as a manipulative apology. If they don’t make it clear that they’re not taking accountability, then they’re trying to manipulate you. They might say something like, “Oh, I’m so sorry you feel that way; I really hate the idea of you feeling like that. Let’s just move on.” When said that way, it’s definitely much more manipulative, and that person is probably trying to pass it off as a true apology when it’s really not. No matter what, if somebody uses this phrase with you—either directly or in a manipulative way—you may want to clarify that you don’t need somebody to take accountability for your feelings, nor do you need them to sympathize with your feelings. What you’re looking for is to discuss their behavior.

Another phrase that narcissists often say is, “You are ruining my life” or, in the past tense, “You’ve ruined my life.” Unfortunately, when a narcissist is unhappy, it cannot be their fault; they will definitely point fingers at the person closest to them. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or if you have a narcissistic parent that you’re living with, that finger is going to be pointing at you. What they’re really trying to say is that you are a burden to them, weighing them down. If you start to believe this, I want you to take a look at the narcissist’s life overall: Were they happy before you came into their life? Were they ever happy in general? The answer is usually no, not for any stretch of time. While it’s easy to take responsibility and internalize all the negativity coming your way, understand that most of it isn’t yours. Put up your shield and deflect this along with everything else.

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