10 FAKE APOLOGIES Narcissists Do to regain themselves

When a narcissist is fed up with being forced to apologize, they may abruptly shift their tone and lash out at you as if you had no right to be offended. “Give me a break, I’m sorry, alright?” they might say. By appearing irritated, they divert your attention from the underlying problem. This is often how narcissists escape the responsibility of a genuine apology. They allow their negative feelings to control you, making it impossible for you to force them into an authentic demonstration of remorse.

These apologies are just part of the narcissistic game. Relationships with narcissists often feature a cycle of hot and cold dynamics, with apologies being an element of the illusion of trust. When your narcissist apologizes to you, it can create an addiction to the feelings of optimism and comfort that you crave. This hope is needed, especially after you have been hurt and isolated before the apology.

You may not realize that these faux apologies are merely fabricated in a narcissist’s mind to manipulate and control you. Constructive guilt is a psychological discomfort stemming from our judgment about something we’ve done wrong, and this beneficial guilt motivates us to apologize. People apologize for various reasons, including to make themselves feel better about their mistakes and to reduce any unwanted emotions or responses from others.

These fake apologies may differ in wording or tone when conveyed by narcissists, but they ultimately do not facilitate healing for someone who has been hurt. For narcissists, these apologies are threats to their ego. A genuine apology does not contain any conditions. People who genuinely apologize—whether the wrongdoing was accidental or intentional—show empathy for the other person’s experience and feelings. It takes a certain level of vulnerability to acknowledge a fault and offer a commitment to avoid repeating the hurtful behavior. Sadly, narcissists will never do these things sincerely but will fake them to regain control.

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