Ever heard someone apologize like this? “I’m sorry, but maybe you’re just too sensitive,” or, “I’m sorry that you feel I am a nasty piece of work.” Narcissists are always in self-preservation mode, defending themselves even when they are at fault. They cannot accept responsibility, even if all the evidence points to them as the perpetrators. Instead, they blame everyone else, projecting their negative feelings and thoughts onto those around them. This kind of empty apology places the person who was hurt in an even more painful situation, making them question their own feelings.
Number 2: The Minimizing Apology
The minimizing apology shows that the hurtful behavior is harmless or done for a greater cause. You are most likely to hear it when someone says, “I was just joking,” or “I was just trying to make you laugh,” after crossing your boundaries. This creates a form of gaslighting, leading you to become the problem. This type of apology is often used to disguise earlier behavior as constructive criticism.
Number 3: The Repeat Apology
Narcissists often sound like this: “I’ve already said I was sorry about it, but you never accepted it.” This apology implies that the narcissist has already apologized for what they have done, but in most cases, this is a lie to cover up the main issue. They may try to avoid the problem by referring to a past, unrelated apology. For narcissists, this can be a follow-up to one or two previously mentioned apologies. Imagine receiving an old apology that is unrelated to the current problem. Such statements lack any sincere intent and imply that the case is closed, allowing them to avoid taking responsibility.
Number 4: The Ghost or Phantom Apology
This is just another manipulation technique from a narcissist disguised as an apology. This faux apology might sound like, “I regret that you feel upset,” or, “I regret that mistakes were made.” While it may seem regretful, it again burdens the victim instead of making things better. Narcissists often use this apology to escape responsibility when they have no other choice. Regret is simply a feeling, while apologizing is an action. Telling someone you’re sorry for what happened is not the same as taking responsibility for hurtful behavior.
Number 5: The Invisible Apology
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