10 Disturbing Things Narcissist Thinks During S£x

Number two: “This is a performance, and I must be the star.” It’s all about comparison. While you may be focused on the connection between you and the narcissist, they are focused on that performance. “How am I doing in comparison to the last person she or he may have slept with? How am I doing in comparison to how it was when we were intimate last time?” That is what goes on in their mind, as shocking as it may sound. They’re not thinking about how you feel; they are thinking about how they are making you feel. They’re concerned with how they look, how their body appears, how powerful they seem, and how skilled they are. If they sense admiration in your eyes, it fuels their ego and pumps them up. If they think they’re impressing you, melting you, they feel powerful. But if they sense boredom, detachment, or even emotional closeness—like you want more than that robotic act—their energy instantly shifts. That’s why they become aggressive, disengaged, or critical. They’ll say, “Oh, I don’t feel like doing it because I feel you are distant, or you are not performing well, or you do not look good enough, or you smell.” They will focus on flaws that may be either insignificant or non-existent.

Selective Generosity: The Narcissist’s Third Thought

The third thing that goes through their mind is: “You better appreciate this because I do not give this to just anyone.” This is one of the greatest lies narcissists tell themselves and you as well. Deep down, many of them know they’re cheaters and that they do not experience love or real passion. But instead of admitting this, they reframe it in their minds as selective generosity. They think of physical !ntimaçy as a gift they’re bestowing upon you. That is grandiosity—not something they are sharing with you. If you do not respond with enough gratitude or servitude, if you do not seem fully mesmerized by them, they will feel insulted. They may even punish you for it later with emotional withdrawal, criticism, or by sleeping with other people and then blaming it on you.

Objectification and Control: The Narcissist’s Fourth Thought

Number four: “You exist to serve me.” That is pure objectification, isn’t it? For a narcissist, everything in life is transactional, including !ntimaçy. It’s never about you, no matter how much they try to convince you otherwise. Even if they seem passionate or attentive, it is because they are playing a role to secure their position or ensure future control over you. They may fake enthusiasm, fake effort, or even fake passion. But deep down, they believe your purpose is to serve them, to validate them, and to make them feel special. If you ever demand reciprocity in this context—if you say, “Oh, I like this position, or I would like you to do these things, and this is how we can spice things up”—they’ll go crazy. They will call you all sorts of names and put you down. They’ll want you to just lie there like a corpse and let them do things to you. That’s beyond painful.